Monday, October 13, 2014

Humour:Short stories

Short stories

Confessions of an ugly Guy

I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor asked where the camera was hidden. It was so ugly when I was born, doctor threw me into the air and said, "If it flies is a bat" and then threw me in the water and said, "If swims its crocodile". It was so ugly when I was born; the doctor gave me the slap in the face. He then went to the waiting room and said to my father: "We did what we could ... but born alive", and instead of congratulating my dad hit him. It was so ugly that my mother when I was born, I did not know if it was a miscarriage or a joke. Even my mom did not know whether to stay with me or the placenta. As it was early I was put in an incubator ... with tinted windows. It was so ugly when I was born I did not cry cried but the doctor, my dad and my mom! My mother never gave me his chest because said she just wanted me as a friend, so instead of giving me her chest, was the back. It was so ugly that after 3 months I learned to walk, because nobody raised me. It was so ugly when I was little, caressing me with a branch.
 It was an ugly child, but so ugly that one day my mom took me camping and at night, coyotes seized bonfires to keep not near me. It was so ugly that when I played hides and seeks anyone looking for me. I was born so ugly as a child, at night, my "guardian angel" slept in the next room. I was always very furry: my mother always asked: "Madam, your child wills he bore or wove" My father carried in his wallet photo of the child that came when he bought it. I soon realized that my parents hated me, for my bath toys were a radio and toaster. Once I was lost, and asked the police if he thought we were going to find my parents; he replied: "I do not know, there are plenty of places where they could be hidden." It was so ugly that I exhibited at a show by phone. It was so ugly that when I woke up, the sun went down. It was so ugly; I could not sleep, because when it came sleep, frightened. It was so ugly, I hurt your face. It was so ugly that mice ate me the document and left the photo.  When I went to the zoo the monkeys threw me cookies. My parents had to tie me a piece of meat to the neck so the dog will play with me.
 When I was kidnapped, the kidnappers sent one of my fingers to my parents for ransom.
 My mother replied that she wanted more proof. I had to work since childhood. I worked at a vet and people kept asking me how much it cost. One day a girl called my house saying, "Come to my house that no one" When I arrived there was no one, was so ugly that the psychiatrist had me lay face down psychiatrist once told me I was crazy.... I told him I wanted to get a second opinion. "Okay, well mad you are really ugly," he said. Once when I was going to kill myself pulling from the terrace of a building of 50 floors, was sent to a priest. give me some words of encouragement just said, "on your mark, get set ..." the last wish of my father before he died was that I sat on his lap he had been sentenced to the electric chair ... It was so ugly. But so ugly that when I sent my photo by e-mail, antivirus detected it. Was so ugly they looked at me twice because the first did not believe it. Was so ugly that turned Medusa into stone. Atop, I poured from the ghost train because "too scared." It was so ugly that frightened even the blind. Was so ugly that when I looked in the mirror, the mirror is moved aside. It was so ugly I did mourn onions. It was so ugly I threw a boomerang and it never returned more. It was so ugly that when I went to the bank, put out security cameras. It was so ugly that when I went to the house of terrors ... back with a job application. Yes, friends, I was so ugly, so ugly, that once a car hit me ... and I was better. And I am now, just ... ugly.

Waaateer pleaaase waaateerr

 A guy comes crawling through the desert, almost dead with his last strength asking:
-Water... Water ... water ... water  ...
Suddenly a tent in the desert appears, te fellow creeps as he can and tell the guy at the store:
-water give me water because I dying ...
The guy at the store says:
Mate I do not have water, but I sell ties ... look, look ... I have all colors, disney, Tasmanian devil, even with the face of Carlos Andres Chavez and embraced ...
The guy says:
-¡Wat ig wrong with you   waaaaterrr need! ...
The seller insists:

'I told  you again that I do not have water, but look at the ties, dirt cheap, and conformable accept card checks.
The dead guy almost repeats:

The seller says:
Well look, as 8 kilometers there is a restaurant, there maybe has water ... but, man, buy me a tie ... look, look.the beauty

The guy would not listen to it and crawled for a day ... Until finally spots a restaurant in the middle of the desert. Arrives and with his last strength and tells the front man :
-Waaatterrr ... I'm dying ... waaateerr
And the doorman says:

The front man says of course I can , give it water, but I you an not get in without a tie.

Letter of suicide
Next to the body of a suicide a covering letter saying found:
Honor: Do not blame anyone for my death; take my life because they lived two days would not know who I am on this sea of
​​tears, and it would be martyrdom. You see ... Mr. Judge.
I had the misfortune to marry a widow, she had a daughter, had I known, I would have never done.
My father, to the great misfortune was a widower, fell in love and married the daughter of my wife, so that my wife was mother of his father, my stepdaughter became my mother and my father while he was my son.
Soon my stepmother bore a male, it was my brother, but my wife was grandson so I was my grandfather's brother.
With the passage of time my wife bore a male, as was my mother's brother, was my father-in-law and uncle of their children.
My wife was mother of his daughter, I am, however my mother's father, and my father and his wife are my children; besides, I am my own grandfather.
Your Honor: I bid the world because I do not know who I am.

A distrefull wife

A couple was invited to a party masks and costumes. She very much had a headache and asks her husband to leave alone. He protested, but she told him she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, so there was no need for him to stay in the house. So the husband put his costume and went. The woman, after an hour's sleep, woke up fine, no pain. As it was early decided go to the party. And as the husband did not know what her costume, she thought it would be fun to see how he acted when he was alone. She arrived at the party and then saw her husband on the dance floor with every girl he passed, playing a little here and throwing kisses there. The wife came to him and began to seduce him. He left the woman with whom he was and turned to the newcomer. She let him go as far as he wanted: it was finally her husband. At one point, he whispered a proposition in her ear and she agreed. They left the party and one of the cars had sex. At midnight, prior to unbinding, the lady slipped away, went home, took off his costume and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would give the husband. When he entered, she was sitting in bed, reading.
- "How did it go?" He asked.
- "Well, as usual," he said. "You know I do not have a good time when I'm not with you."
- "You danced a lot?"
-.. "Not a single piece When I arrived, I met Peter, William and other guys, so we went upstairs and played poker all night What's not going to believe what happened to the guy who I loaned my costume! "

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